optic nerve # 2

She imagined that the person who placed the ad was, in fact, somewhere in the café... that he had shown up, but upon getting a better look at her, decided to retain his anonimity. She drank the last swallow of coffee and walked back home.

She called in sick to work and sat down in front of the mirror. Maybe the make-up was a mistake, she thought... it might have only made her look worse. If someone found her attractive without it, then why bother? She wondered if she was the kind of person who looks okay at first glance, but is actually quite ugly.

Holding back tears, she convinced herself that it wasn´t because of her appearance that nothing happened, but rather, that the ad wasn´t about her in the first place. She put the whole thing out of her mind, thinking how silly she had been.

(...)

She was losing sleep, calling in sick to work more often, and avoiding leaving the house as much as possible.

Finally, not knowing what else to do, Cheryl stopped looking at the personals, and that week, the ads about her stopped appearing.

By Adrian Tomine, November 1995.